Sexual Sabotage?

Orgasms. They have a pretty intricate way of inducing pleasure. I think most women don't discuss them, even with their partners, because of how weird it is to explain the 'just right' conditions. Demystifying how to achieve an orgasm is less than a turn on; 'move here, wait too far, try over there…' The commands never end. Sometimes I think to myself, orgasms are impossible to achieve during sex. Oral is a different story, but sex + orgasms = imaginary. Well, at least for the majority of my experience (not all, thankfully). So now, when we have sex, are we setting ourselves up for failure? Are we pressuring the guy into thinking we're a lost cause? Are we making the guy question his abilities just because we don't know our own? And if we are, does that mean we are sabotaging our own sexual experiences? When the lights flicker low and the groans grow are orgasm-hopeless women putting themselves into a flattened mind set? How do we get out of this rut? How do we even relax? How can we ever achieve pleasure when all we think about is the lack thereof?