Reliance

I think being reliant on someone has its ups and downs. You need them - despite all the barriers - you just want them. It doesn't have to make sense. I think its worse to be alone then to rely on someone, but I've come to the conclusion that being alone isn't always that bad. You don't have to tell people how you're feeling or whats going on inside your head. The chattering of this person swiftly turns into a screaming voice in my head. I think thats why I don't want to know how people feel about me. The risk is too much. The barrier that I've come across recently is one of regulation. A superior figure is dictating my emotions and I remain silent. I lose the opportunity to know if I can even be reliant on this person. I don't even know if he wants me but sometimes the risk is worth it. How can you even be reliant on someone if there aren't any risks? Even if the first step is a risk, how do I know? Well... hopefully I'll find out soon. Hopefully he'll be someone to rely on. If only he saw me the way I see him.