Monday, January 5, 2015

Drowning

Life has thrown me some pretty unpleasant challenges. Every time I fall, I get back up again to fall. i recently found someone I want to be with, maybe a long time. Once I start to warm up to him, my past catches up and pulls me down. Trust issues and lies drown me from seeing who he really is. My past is a sea and I'm drowning. Sometimes I hope he could be my life boat, a handsome man to the rescue, but unfortunately life doesn't work like that. Once we're stuck in a deserted sea or trapped in thick molasses we remain the same. I dream of him lifting all my pain from my worn shoulders, but I know it isn't possible. I know I shouldn't get my hopes up, but I do every time. Every time I see him pick me up in his car or standing there waiting, a glimmer of hope passes through me that this could be it. It all feels perfect until reality sets in and my logical side takes over. I want to stare into his brown eyes all night and I want to lie beside him until I fall asleep. I just want to feel something more than doubts. But if I do, what would I feel?

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