Time is Love

When I was young, my parents used to tell me that the right to date was reserved for forty year-olds. As I got older they changed this rule; to date someone you have fun with on a day to day basis. I was lectured to not pick my partners based purely on the fact of envisioning a future with them.

"It never lasts."
"You're too young to make something work forever."
"It's too stressful."
"If I can't make it last, how could you?"

So I began dating people I had fun with. I didn't care if I saw a future together or not - it was never necessary. To be honest, I started my current relationship without the future in mind. But, as I'm reaching twenty and really taking a deep look at myself, I think: Do any of the guys I've dated mean anything to me now? Did they ever effect me in such a way that changed my life? Will I remember any of them on my last day? The answer? I won't remember them the way you're supposed to remember a past relationship. Because some things will always be toxic.

So I think my parents' philosophy was wrong. Dating, while blinded about the future, can destroy two people. How can you even date someone who doesn't have anything in common about future goals and lifestyles and living arrangements and the most daunting, kids? As I ponder the ruins of my previous relationships, I really wonder if none of them worked out because I never saw a future. Or maybe they didn't work because I didn't want a future. Sometimes I have moments where all I want is the present. All I want is the now. And the thing about guys, well, they can give me the now, just not a future. But I was the same way until recently; never discussing plans or dreaming about my wedding like other girls. I spent my time dreaming in the present.

But that's the thing. Love isn't about the now, it's about time. And although I run from love - when it happen upon me, without any warning - I know I'll want to envision a future. Why? Because love is seeing your
self with someone through the worst. Love is being there when no one else is. Love is being everywhere and nowhere. It's about knowing when to shut up and when to speak. It's about kissing them through their tears. It's about time. Because time is commitment.

I find that many people may equate what I believe love to be with marriage. The line is fine. But, marriage adds in the extra ropes of paperwork, symbols, and vows. But when I fall in love, and know that I'll spend my life with this individual, I won't need a contract to abide by. All I'll need is time. Because time is love.