Chances - Given and Gone

Chances always remind me of flower petals, you pull one off thinking "He loves me" or "He loves me not" but when those petals hit the ground what happens? When the proposal is left there does it expire or is it an unlimited time offer? I guess it depends on the situation but chances are delicate and choosing which ones to accept alter your life, possibly in dramatic ways. If we get these chances why do we always allow ourselves to blow them off or immediately decide? Isn't it time to step back and take it in? As much as I'd like to say I've chosen the right offers I have made a few wrong ones. Falling in love with someone and buried it, doesn't count as my best decision but it happens. The chance of falling out of love with him never appeared and now I'm stuck in a world where I can only pretend I'm not interested. Chances. The ones I've given have been all or nothing or simplistic but every one counts, but what happens when you have given a chance but it's been left there. I gave him a chance should it be given again or is it gone?

Dreaming in a Miserable Drought

I can dream, I can hope but I'll never get it. The man of my dreams - the one who lives near me across town but will never see me for more than a friend. As droughts form we begin to lose hope in aspects pertaining to the "drought-er" but aren't droughts supposed to be nourished eventually? Aren't we supposed to get what we want after almost 7 years of waiting for it; after 7 years of waiting for him? As much as I attempt to forget and release all my feelings they always come back whether it being 3 years of trying to move on or a memorable summer that will never fade. Maybe in a realistic world life isn't fair - and most of the time it isn't, but haven't you ever wondered if that ONE thing should turn out right? ONE thing you wish for will come true? Well after 7 years of knowing him I still wish for the same thing; a chance with my prince charming, a chance for him to see me differently. Maybe instead of the girl who sings while he accompanies I could be the girl he dreams about. Maybe I'm dreaming in a miserable drought...

Obstacles

Does the lack of jealously in a relationship mean that you're just not committed? That all the connection you thought you once shared was never there? Sometimes I feel like I need to pursue this jealously but I never stick to it, I never actually feel jealous... But what if you become jealous of someone else? Someone you used to care about but never had a chance with - what if all those old feelings are suddenly brought up that you thought you buried. I thought all those feelings were locked in a box and in a treasure hunt that would never be solved - unfortunately it seems I have solved it all on my own. I took the shovel and dug up the raw emotions that I felt with someone else. 3 years may have passed but surprisingly my feelings had not. I had finally found a way to get what I want but I just had one obstacle: My boyfriend.

Start Over

The thing about love, is the give and take - making compromises and realizing everything you've wanted is right there; in front of you. Sometimes when you're with someone that has flaws that stick out to you, the sudden realization that there may be better makes the guilt unfavorable. On one hand sticking to comfort may be worth while but haven't you ever wanted to go on an adventure and feel butterflies? What if the time finally comes when the happiness of comfort is no longer fun? What if those butterflies have flown all the way from your stomach to your mouth? A mouth that may just say "I need a break" or "I think it's time to move on." What do we do when everything we've known is no longer what we want or need? How do we end it with wanting to start over?

How do we Know?

How do you know? Some things in life have become so unclear I've begun to wonder how we are ever able to answer this question. With all the variables and, "What ifs," in life how do you know? Perhaps we are all aware of the basics such as our age or hair color but what happens when the foundation of who we are slowly rots away; all of our clarity pulled out from right underneath us? We begin to question ourselves. Am I truly the person I was two weeks ago or even two moments ago for that matter? As humans we are constantly changing and morphing to become what and who we hope but what if who we want to be counters who we were born to be?

The Unknown

I think some of the most terrifying things in life are what we are unaware of. Things that linger every corner or watch our every move, the things in hiding that wait to pounce. But the question is, if we don't know what it is how can it terrify us? Maybe it's because we're scared to what could happen, all the endless possibilities created from our never-ending imagination. As much as I'd like to say that one day we'll conquer the unknown there's an equal chance we won't. And maybe thats what makes life worth living; not knowing what to expect. Not knowing if tomorrow the love of your life will walk through the doors, or if you just purchased the winning lottery ticket, or even something as simple as the lucky jacket you lost last week will turn up. Life is full of surprises, good and bad, and it's up to us to make the choice of whether those surprises are worth waking up for in the morning, if those surprises are worth our breathe.

Silence

Have you ever been in the position where you never quite know how to word how you feel? Where you can't put your finger on what crazed emotions are running through your veins? When everything you say affects people around you so the easiest way to please them all in to stay silent? Maybe its just me but I try to keep all my thoughts in my head until I know for sure what I feel. I don't want to get caught up in feelings I'm not sure exist but I also don't want to confide in what I know I feel. Honestly, feelings are one of the most vague things in this world. They are so complex yet we sum them up into one word; sad, happy, upset, depressed. How can a universe of emotion be put into something so small, something we say everyday but never think twice about? I try not to say what I'm thinking until I know it's real but how do we get to that point? The point of knowing it's real? Do we say what we want even if it could give out false hope only to later crumble dreams or do we remain silent until we decide for ourselves? The only problem is, what if that silence lasts forever?