Running Out of Ecstasy

Loneliness. Whether its on our walk home, out grocery shopping, or even in a crowd, we all experience it. Some enjoy the isolation, digging deep into our unconscious. Others use it as an excuse to descend the depths of depression and confusion. I lust after the idea of spending time alone; divulging the real me, diving further. Who am I? What am I made of? The ecstasy of self-exploration is a wondrous feeling, a wondrous feeling I will continue to crave. But what happens when this ecstasy runs out? When the high falls? Can the appeal of isolation sway? And if it does, what are we left with? Despite this longing when I see a woman with her lover, or two friends laughing, the high vanishes and I'm suddenly lusting after something else. I lust for togetherness. People believe its a choice to decide upon loneliness or intimacy; if you have one, you cannot have the other. But what if you love being alone? What if you crave it as I do? The thoughts and emotions come in swirls, ready for investigation. And what if you also love being with others? The wistful and witty exchange of comments or the silent glances are dream worthy. I think this is not a selection of one over the other, but a preference. Loneliness is tempting, but I prefer basking in the presence of others, where time disappears and conversation lasts a lifetime. I've come to realize that even though I like being alone, I don't always like being lonely.