Connect or Compromise?

Meshing. We all search for someone we mesh with, but is meshing even a real form of interaction? And can any two people connect in such a way, in which their entire personality clicks with someone else's. Is that what meshing means? Clicking? If so, how can two personalities adhere to one another when every single person is unique? - no two are the same. Perhaps we can deliberate over the dividing of souls, where each person is gifted with one half of a soul and is destined to find their missing piece. But then, the two individuals are brought up in different ways, altering who they are, even if its just on the surface level of identity. I think my issue is waiting for someone I mesh with, someone I click with. Don't get me wrong, the initial connection has been there before but it depletes as time goes on. Can a connection hold strong over time or are we doomed to it fading? A sunny day can only last so long, eventually the sky drapes in stars and clouds - the darkness upholds it's reigns. Can a relationship flee this cyclical nature or are we to abide the same fate? Maybe its time we update the definition of meshing? Maybe we don't need to click, maybe we need to combine two personalities into one, maybe we need to compromise? The sparks will fade, but learning to agree may actually secure a relationship. Maybe it can even form a foundation for future sparks. My soul may or may not be a half of someone else's, but does that mean I'll never mesh? Theres only one way to find out. But I think people need to remember that compromising is not the same as forcing something to work. I've connected, but have I compromised? 

You Don't Need Music to Dance

Sometimes you don't need music to dance. Sometimes you don't need words to express feelings. Sometimes you don't need to make the right decisions for the right outcomes. Sometimes you don't need to be loved to love. Sometimes. Sometimes things just happen. A lasting glance. A longing smile. I've said before that maybe one night is enough, but what if it isn't? What if you want that shoulder to cry on? I've grown up so fixated on hating love, but I recently remembered hate is so closely related to love. I think I've fallen in love with love. As for now, my heart doesn't have a person for which it desires. But if I happen to dance, express feelings, and tumble upon the right outcomes? What if I happen to fall in love? Will I revert to my old ways and push away the feeling? Will I build up the walls like I always do? Will I end a relationship because I've fallen in love? Again. How many hearts do I have to break to rebuild my own? I've been pretending I want something meaningless, "something casual." But all my heart wants is to finally be in love. I don't want to be afraid to fall anymore. I want to let things happen. I want to feel. I finally want to bask in the breeze and feel the freedom of admitting my emotions. I do not want to continue along this straight path. I do not want to hide. I will tear down my walls - brick by brick - and breathe. I wonder what the other side will feel like? Will the colours be more vibrate like everyone says? Will the birds chirp and the sky stain with harmonious hues? I may never end up with Prince Charming, but if I can dance without music, I know I've found love.

For Now

The world is full of possibilities. But not all of them are for the best. Sometimes the dream is better than reality, as much as we fight it - it just isn't worth it. The opportunity presents itself, right there - right in front of you - but something inside knows its wrong. Maybe going further than some smouldering eye contact and innocent flirting just won't be as good as what we have. And maybe I'm okay with that. Maybe. But I think this doesn't just apply to romance, it applies to life. We can fight for what we believe in, never take no as an answer, or we can forge another path. A road less taken by, they say. Some things are meant to happen and yes, life will always have struggles, but the energy it takes to battle could be put towards an innovate solution. When an impenetrable wall towers over us, what do we do? You find a way. Usually around, but a way none the less. So how do you find a way around someone who's taken? Theres always the obvious option of cheating, but I think for now I'll avoid the drama and spare the heartaches. What else? Maybe the crazy answer is settle for friendship? For now. Thats the beauty of possibilities, the less you plan and the more you live, life will hand you spontaneous gifts. Taking what you have and making it work is what happiness is about. It's not about breaking down the walls. Rawness has something to do with it, but knowing yourself and knowing its wrong, is right. Does it feel wrong when its right or does it feel right when its wrong?

Crumbling Chaos

Life is full of conformities. Blocks are ready - at every moment - to build around you. You're surrounded by rules, regulations, and restrictions. The world has set standards and specifications of what and who we are supposed to become. And most abide these guidelines, sticking to what they are taught, even when something from within is pulling in another direction. But what happens when one person stands against these walls? When one person tears them down and steps over the crumbling chaos? Do viewpoints change or does the world shun the different? Has the abstract even been accepted into our society or does our 'abstractness' simply mean slightly off-normal? When it comes to art, perhaps a piece which stands out, for its vulgarity or beauty, can be accepted. But what about people? When someone picks a different path than what has been set for us since day one, do we shame them? Are we shamed to even be associated with them? Life is said to be about choices, but why do we shun certain lifestyles? Sex before marriage. Not even wanting marriage. Not wanting kids, or a family at that. Wanting a divorce. Wanting to move away. Wanting to explore. I remember as a kid, I was told in Kindergarden that life is about family and in order to succeed that creating my own would be the most prized choice. Since day one we see our family, split or together, hold ties. But why are these ties so wondrous? Despite our technology, clothing, and architecture sometimes I feel as though we have been up-rooted back to the 50s. What happened to open-mindedness? What happened to honesty? What happened to pursuing your dreams? Live a life by your own definition, beyond tradition and the image of what is right. All I ask is that you wake up with a smile. A smile that is free. The blocks may be ready, but so are we.

Running Out of Ecstasy

Loneliness. Whether its on our walk home, out grocery shopping, or even in a crowd, we all experience it. Some enjoy the isolation, digging deep into our unconscious. Others use it as an excuse to descend the depths of depression and confusion. I lust after the idea of spending time alone; divulging the real me, diving further. Who am I? What am I made of? The ecstasy of self-exploration is a wondrous feeling, a wondrous feeling I will continue to crave. But what happens when this ecstasy runs out? When the high falls? Can the appeal of isolation sway? And if it does, what are we left with? Despite this longing when I see a woman with her lover, or two friends laughing, the high vanishes and I'm suddenly lusting after something else. I lust for togetherness. People believe its a choice to decide upon loneliness or intimacy; if you have one, you cannot have the other. But what if you love being alone? What if you crave it as I do? The thoughts and emotions come in swirls, ready for investigation. And what if you also love being with others? The wistful and witty exchange of comments or the silent glances are dream worthy. I think this is not a selection of one over the other, but a preference. Loneliness is tempting, but I prefer basking in the presence of others, where time disappears and conversation lasts a lifetime. I've come to realize that even though I like being alone, I don't always like being lonely.

Common Ground

Lately I've been thinking about what initiates our attraction to another. I used to believe appearances swayed your initial feelings towards someone, but I'm beginning to change my mind. I really think people are pulled to others when we have things in common. I'm still unsure of what I must have in common with the other person that draws upon this attraction, but from my most recent experiences I believe this idea holds. Maybe it's because we dream of being immersed in someone that understands us, someone we can intertwine with and come out knowing you're one. It reminds me of the relationship that water and earth share. Rain falls into the ground, the two separate entities combine providing on an even higher level. Alone, they both facilitate nourishment, but together they create life. Two completely different substances with varied cycles, appearances, and purpose can immerse into one another. Their common ground may stand to be mysterious and maybe it will never be known, but their relationship exists. Will our relationships ever exist or do they need to be built? Will two people ever be pulled together and have what they have or must we work through 'issues'? Can a relationship exist with a common ground and nothing more? Perhaps everything past common ground is worthless. Maybe this additive is what causes the complexities; thoughts, questions, emotions. Will I ever be able to just live in the moment on nothing more than common ground? And if I do, is he the one?

Stained Memories

We dream of fairytales. We dream of Prince Charming. We dream of kids and white picket fences and welcoming houses. We dream. But I find these dreams always have one thing in common; time. They all require a lifetime. We dream of endless weeks basking under sunsets with our one true love. We dream of growing old together. All these dreams lead to a timely commitment. But what happens when we have one perfect night? When we have seven hours of true happiness? Why don't we ever dream about that? Do humans crave commitment? Or are we scared by it? I used to beg for more of those perfect nights with the perfect guy - but every day afterward never lived up to the first time. The first night. Those first seven hours. The passion flashed lightning. The lust fell like rain. And the night cowered above, stars tangled in clouds. When everything feels so right should we just let the moment be and move on? Or should we try to repeat it? Can the flame last forever or is the night's gusting wind simply too powerful? Can the coals be ignited after they've already diminished? I believe its more realistic to dream of these perfect nights. We may never have a lifetime of love and dedication, but those spontaneous nights are worth it. He may never call again. He may never see me after. He may forget my name. But in both our minds that night is stained; the memory replaying. And sometimes thats enough.