Thank You

When did everything start to take a turn for the worst? When did all the pain suddenly become a head and hit me so strong directly in my stomach? It all happened two weeks ago when my heart that I had given to someone else was torn in half. The pain was and still is so indescribable that my words are not enough. The nausea filled my body making me sick, and the shaking wouldn't stop for days. I think the worst is the sting of my tears, the salty affect felt as though it melted my skin, incinerating everything I've known. The one person whom you give your world to, your life, becomes a small speck in the skeme of things when they decide to look into another person's eyes. The disgust lingers in my throat making my speech impaired and I still feel the sinking feeling every-time I think of her; the one person out of 7 billion people that contributed fifty percent to the deterioration of my relationship. If you're out there and smiling I want you to know, thank you.

Lost

Beep. Beep. Beep.

     I wake up to the fimilar sound of my alarm clock like every other day. A routine I have come to live by since I began to grow up. It over overcomes my dreams as I dissolve back into the reality I have become accustomed to.

     Beep. Beep. Beep.

     I decide theres no chance of recovering my dream so I lift my hand and press it againt the sleep button. The cold smoothness of the piece of grey plastic feels distant. I lift the sheets and the cold I had just encountered moments ago swarms my body and crawls around my legs. Goosebumps form all over, as my hairs stick up into the untouched air like an isolated tower surrounded by a sea of trees. My distaste for the daily awakening strengthens as each day persists. Day after day my expections for it greaten however, my hopes that it will not occur grow as well.

     Leg by leg, I swing each over placing my feet onto the slippery hard-wood floor. One of the qualities I believed was pleasant in my home until now. My toes cringe as I walk towards the bathroom. My baggy shirt and boxers sway as I continue my journey, getting caught in the bathroom counter’s edge. I pull forward, uncaring of the repercautions that will follow.

     I quickly pull off my garments while turning the shower’s metal knob towards the right. After the heat begins to engulf the room, I open the plastic curtain and pull my body into the shower’s warmth. Diminishing my goosebumps, the hot water washes over every limb as though time has come to slow motion. The texture of water is one of difficult description. Soft and smooth, almost as though we can imagine it to be whatever we desire.

     I shut off the shower and watch the bulbs of water grow above my head. I step out onto the rug as I realize my day has begun. March 4^th, 2000, the day I would loose the one person I thought I could trust.

     

Is Your Time Calling?

Time; a concept very few can grasp and an aspect pertaining to life we tend to overlook. Without time, we amount to nothing, time is what pushes and strengthens us. Not only do we forget about the lack of time within our possession, we dismiss the idea that we'll never get it back. Our tenth birthday, our first swing set, the dog we once had, our yesterday no longer exists. The only way they can be conjured is if we remember, we remember a certain point in time that brings back smiles or tears. We face forward with our head tilted down, as we are blinded when it comes to our end. When our time runs out will we never be able to remember? Will all those moments disappear into thin air and be left as a ghost? We assume that there will always be a tomorrow but for many, who don't expect it, there is none. So do we spend a lifetime dreading our end or do we embrace it and create memories everyday? Those ghosts may not bring meaning to others, but they will always give you a reason to hold on. Our time is calling, will you pick up?

A Simmering Thought

Unfortunately in our day and age appearances matter, the clothes we buy, the makeup we wear, and the hair we style every morning matters. The first impression is always based on the appearance we present, whether we accept it or not. Most of the time when we come to this conclusion it results in an unfavorable truth, however there are things out there that are beautiful with a natural appearance. The way the sun hits the leaves providing a gleam that somehow simmers into our memory or the way snow dances around the sky until it settles on the ground nestled up with the other flakes. There are appearances in the world that we overlook everyday, that we take for-granted; the beauty of nature or the intricacy of life. Our minds have become numb to these surroundings in order to focus on superficial looks that were never real in the first place. Look, smell, feel, listen, and taste the beauty, let the sun make you glimmer.

Person of Life

How can you ease away pain when you're stuck in it all the time? How can we fall captive of the darkness we have run away from our entire lives? I've been wondering if the darkness is so bad? We grew up in worlds of dissatisfaction and fear of judgement, just to become accustomed to them in adulthood. The glaring eyes and painful stares are all signs in which it's time to fled, we learnt that as a child. But in reality, have our brave ancestors who feared no one slowly dwindle off? I run, hide, and avoid confrontation in order to relieve pain and tears for just one more minute, but is that right? Should we stand up and fight for the right to enjoy life or do we watch it pass us? I learnt that live throws you it's challenges to gain respect for who you have become. Life is a test of strength and endurance, and I have found that out the hard way. Perhaps the running and trying and tears have all made me a stronger person, perhaps I am a person of life.

Morals and Silence

Is it morally justified if you look at someone else when you are in a relationship? Is it okay to look but hold yourself back? Or does holding yourself back prove that you want something more? To me, each aspect pertaining to love is finely woven together to form a unique, yet fragile structure. What if the feeling in our stomach doesn't go away and we begin the cycle all over again...? Do we pretend it's not there, or do we move on from what once was? I think it's time for me to figure it out but most importantly I wish they could figure it out. Maybe if I spoke up? Or maybe staying quiet is the best way because morally speaking, I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, especially people I care about. Perhaps the perspective of Utility is right, greatest good for the greatest number. I know if I remain silent I will help the greater number. Silence is the killer of painful words.

Don't Wake Up

When is it time to give up? Is it after countless failures or numerous disappointments? Do we give up after our hopes have been crushed and our dreams have been shot? When is it time to lay down and forget the world? Sometimes life feels like it rushes around you while you're standing still. The world revolves around you for that one instant until you wake up and realize it's time to try again. We get back up and push forward all in an effort to try again. But when is it time to give up? The goals we once had so brightly lit in our minds fade into abandoned signs along with the light of our dreams. Perhaps a way to overcome this need for a break is to simply nap, but what happens when you don't want to wake up? What happens when we have pushed too hard for too long and we need to give up? What happens when we just don't wake up?