Thinking about the future hurts. It physically hurts - it's draining. You have things figured out in the present, but not at all for the future. I can't even decide what to add to my grocery list. You know what you want now, but shouldn't your wants now somewhat reflect what you want in the future? Does that mean our current relationships are formed on what we want later in life? Recently people have been telling me about their methodology behind dating; to date someone they can see themselves married to. I've always been one to go with the flow; I don't plan far ahead, I don't question - I just feel in the moment. But am I getting to the age where marriage is something to think about? In five years will I be married? Will I have kids? Should I start dating based on this belief, that my boyfriend has to be a potential husband? If so, how can we narrow down potential husbands? I could date someone for a month and not know nearly enough about them to decide whether or not they are it. But maybe there is a specific point where you know enough to make the decision; 6 months or a year? But imagine investing all that time for someone who isn't a good enough suitor. Imagine. To me, I don't see an investment. I see memories made, fun to be had. Relationships aren't transactions, they aren't business deals. Relationships are meant to be felt, so why does this timeline float in the back of our minds? We push ourselves into marriage, into children, into fights. I'd rather wake up one morning and just know - the feeling hits me. It won't be at first sight or our fight time - it'll will be random and unplanned; unexpected. But isn't that the beauty of love anyways? As I watch my friends plan their futures and contemplate their spouses-to-be, I'll smile at the wasted memories. Because maybe my way will end up in loneliness, but theres only one way to find out.
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