Shedding Loneliness

A lot of things have changed for me recently. A lot of my views are shifting. My faith is blurry. I used to have a strong position on relationships. I used to live by a lack of trust, hope, and love. Always looking for the worst, and it usually happening. But now, when I crave trust, hope, and love it is returned - even in my weakest, ugliest moments. Even when I don't deserve it. He stays with me, even when I'm lonely and I don't understand why. I went to my first wedding this weekend and all I felt were those three things, mingled in the air, like dandelion seeds fluttering through the wind. And I could catch one at any time. After twenty years, I'll admit I was wrong. It's not that I lived with a lack there of, but I just wasn't experiencing it. I didn't luck out. But, I'm only twenty and maybe the next twenty years will be different. Maybe marriage isn't an unnecessary and confining tradition. Maybe love isn't impossible. Maybe I deserve both. He seems to think so. Now I'm wondering whether my luck is changing. Will my loneliness disappear? I feel it melting away, the thick layers shedding. My distinct, untreatable wounds, which found my beliefs, are healing. Everything is a haze. But for some reason this haze warms me, it feels safer than where I was. Maybe safe isn't impossible either. Maybe he was right. And I was wrong.